10 Reasons Why Bone Eating Worms Are F’n Awesome

The deep-sea Osedax bone-devouring worms could easily have been the poster child for Deep-Sea News instead of the Giant Squid.

Below is list of 10 reasons why Osedax are the shiznit.

1. The chicas are freaky. All whalebone-eating, female worms have dwarf males, up to 114 in Osedax rubiplumus, fruiting around inside of their body. The whole thing is akin to an internal sperm fest with the female enthralled in her detestable orgy, covered in the love ooze of her harem. And the larger, older ladies have larger harems. Everyone loves a cougar.
2. Dwarf males ejaculate from the tops of their heads….don’t know what else to say about this but there you have it.
3. Any bone will do.  No the other bones, real ones. Osedax will inhabit just about any bone, including steak bones thrown overboard as waste.
4. It’s not Osedax but Osedaxes, or Osedaxi, or whatever the hell it is.  The point is that there are half a dozen to a dozen species.  Imagine learning there are zombie humans, zombie dogs, zombie cats, zombie cows, zombie houseflies, zombie rats, and so on except instead of feeding on brains they prefer your bones.  Only time will tell if Osedax crawl out of the ocean and consume us all.
5. Osedax is Latin for “bone devourer”.  Not quite accurate as they don’t feed on the actual carbonated hydroxyapatite, i.e. bone mineral, but rather the fats within the bone matrix. What’s not to love about these wee beasties that live off the lipids stored in bones of long-dead whales lying on the seafloor?
6. Osedax are worms with roots.  The females extend roots into the bones to tap into these lipid reserves. Just like BP drilling for oil in Gulf of Mexico except without the spills.
7. Osedax are little snot flowers.  With roots to delve into the bone, a trunk full of males, and a crown of reparatory organs extending from the trunk, these little soft sacks resemble snotty little flowers.  Perhaps that’s why the first named species got the Latin name of Osedax mucofloris, literally bone devouring mucus flower.
8. Acid…yep I said acid.  Females secrete a bone melting acid from their roots to help dissolve old whalebones or your face, which ever is closer.  As if Osedax could get any more bad ass, I’m now thinking of the Alien queen.
9. Osedax have no mouth, anus, or gut. The just absorb dead whale parts their roots…by using acid.
10. Thousands of bone-eating females will infest a whale carcass.  So many will accumulate the whale bones will appear to be covered in circa 1970’s red shag rug. A rug that eats bones, has harems, and secretes acids but otherwise a normal shag rug.