…so the spam email I just received states. I just love getting spam emails. I particularly love getting emails about healthcare products. I seem to be getting a lot of them recently. Thankfully the spam lords are looking over my poor health. I didn’t even know I was ill. But the spam lords say “YES YOU ARE” and “WE CAN HELP YOU WITH OUR PRODUCTS!”
So what will help my ailment?
WAIT OMG THERE IS A DEEP-SEA MINERAL THAT NATURALLY LOWERS MY BLOOD PRESSURE? Well so far it’s counterproductive because my blood pressure is raising because of how fabulous this news is!
My favorite part is where these ad says I should prevent overmedicating by taking this pill. Irony is delicious and also lowers my blood pressure as well.
Ok so what is “this” special deep-sea nutrient? It doesn’t matter because uncited Johns Hopkins Research saying that missing “this” will lead to 80% greater chance of narrowing arteries. As a side note, why is it always Johns Hopkins? Those poor bastards must be working 25/7/365 to conduct all these studies! Can I get some of that sweet research money?
Well maybe I’ll find out later what “this” is. I’m can read that Big-Pharma is wasting my time and money. F’ you Big Pharma! I spending my time and money taking a different pill from Marine Essentials. Wait, are they a local artisanal Pharma? That’s important to me.
So I’m done reading the advertisement and I still don’t know what “this” is. I headed over to the Marine Essential website and I found nothing telling me what is actually in Marine-D3 and no links to studies backing up any of their amazing claims.
<sarcasm>This is me being really shocked about not finding any real information </sarcasm>
What is weird is that their staff is all sales and IT people. “I oversee the online sales and marketing process for Marine Essentials to bring you the best buying experience possible.” “I help Marine Essentials compile, organize, and analyze online sale information in order to ensure the company is performing efficiently.” Where are the scientists stating”I have Ph.D. in Chemistry and I ensure that the products we sell are safe and actually benefit your health.” or ”I am the compliance officer and I make sure our products follow FDA approval and work with our scientific advisory board to oversee are products are safe and benefit your health.”?
Maybe I should stop being so skeptical and listen to Charlie
Charlie Dombek, a CPA from Maryland said:
“I love playing basketball and competing against the younger guys! But this past year, I’ve had more injuries than ever. After taking Marine-D3 for 3 weeks, I feel like a new man.
My favorite part is that it gave me immediate ways to reduce the pain in my joints!”
Charlie you won me over!
*Note: Results not typical.
Well if it’s just a few bucks maybe I could just try it. WTF?! $67 per bottle for an undisclosed number of pills?!
I jest but these kind of emails and offers are dangerous–preying upon the most uninformed members of our society. I often wonder why these companies keep sending out spam. Does anybody actually read and order this stuff? My answers comes in the form of another spam email. Companies wouldn’t spam us if some small percentage didn’t actually pay off for them. Perhaps though I can fight this by pointing out how ridiculous it really all is. When you Google Marine Essentials maybe this post will be there haunting the company. I am not a medical doctor but I feel confident in saying that you shouldn’t put something in your body if you don’t know what it is.