August 11th, 2010 
This is of course meant as an educational offering, you know… us being a top science blog and all…
Everything Poops by Kevin Zelnio
Lyrics under the fold
chorus:
| Anything that eats has gotta take a shit
| I don’t see why we gotta make a big deal of it
| Some do it out in nature, some do it in holes
| everyone poops baby, that’s just they way it goes
Bugs poop in little dots, bunnies poop a lot
Squid just blast out some goo
Elephants got big ones, mice they got small ones
but little darling, yeah everyone got poo
[chorus]
rats poop in sewers, fish poop in the sea
critters poop because they eat lots of food
Think about it real hard, but don’t let up your guard
because monkeys like throw a little poo right on you
[Chorus]
Now listen folks, my story’s plain to see
our bodies get rid of that which we can’t use
if you eat lots of junk, your shit will be stunk
because darling baby girl, everyone’s gotta poo
[Chorus]
a new classic.
Maybe for the fade out you could do a little… …scat.
What about giant tube worms?
Can only do so many verses Adam. Not gonna Bob Dylan this. But yes tubeworms poop too! If you count excreting ions across the body wall and plume. Its still waste!
Well, yeah, I guess you could call that pooping. :)
I just thought, y’know, since they don’t have a digestive tract..
Hence the lyric:
“Now listen folks, my story’s plain to see
our bodies get rid of that which we can’t use
if you eat lots of junk, your shit will be stunk”
in hindsight of course.
This is a very timely song! Was watching Rubicon and the question came up there on do bears poop when hibernating? The answer was very unsatisfactory to me as the guy basically said bears had a special and unique digestive system that allowed for recycling wastes. However, bears are not the only hibernating animal out there. So I’ll broaden it up, how do animals in hibernation poop?
Hey bro, My guess is that hibernating animals do not poop because they need to take in food to create waste. The refractory material (stuff you can’t digest further and get nutrients out of) moves through a body fairly quickly right? Marine animals don’t hibernate though, so I don’t know for a fact what landlubbing critters do. Maybe another commenter does.
I thought fish hibernate too..According to a quick google on fish hibernation, this article states that some do: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2008/03/080306-fish-hibernate.html
Kevin, you are my hero. Also, clearly Science Online 2011 needs a “Songs of Science” session…
Great song could use some politics in there.
“Republicans Poop,Democrats Poop, even the President of the United States starts his day with a Pooooop”
Then there’s some notion of Washington being filled with the stuff, hey I am not a writer but trying to get you a wider audience.
Clearly, there needs to be an Everything Poops Vol. 2
Too funny. Great job, Kevin. Are you available for Poopoopaluza this year?
Dear God, dare I even ask if Poopoopaluza is an actual event!? lol